How to prevent your neurodivergent child’s social skills regression this summer.
For many parents of autistic children, life since March has been stressful, to say the least.
Lilian Burns shares a heart-wrenching perspective of what the past few months have been like for her and her preschool-aged son, Tripp, who is on the autism spectrum.
“I still feel like I’m vastly under-qualified to be a parent; I am definitely vastly under-qualified to be replacing three therapists and a paraprofessional,” Burns writes. “It’s heartbreaking to watch your kid struggle. That goes for any parent. For those of us with children with special needs, watching their struggle with ‘distance learning’ is a daily battle. And with the fate of schools reopening still unclear, the thought of doing this for another two, or four, or six months, makes my stomach drop.”
These fears and frustrations are more than valid, particularly as there are still so many unknowns about when children can return to school, activities, or therapy centers.
We do not know when things will go back to “normal,” but that does not mean that you — or your child — have to be left in the dark. Today, I present the final installment of my six-week series on the “Six I’s” model to help foster your child’s communication and social skills development in this age of physical distancing.
I hope that you found this series to be helpful and useful during these uncertain and challenging times. As we close out this series, please know that I am thinking of you, rooting for you, and only want the best for you and your family. You can do this; and, if there is any way I can help, please let me know.
Effective communicators must:
Be interesting. Extend the conversation by asking open-ended questions.
Be impactful. Ensure your message resonates with those who listen.
Be interchangeable. Be both the speaker and receiver (listener).
Be interpretive. Understand your and other’s body language.
Be interpretive. Understand your and other’s body language.
The outcome of one’s communication can be greatly influenced by non-verbal communication. A person, whether they are the speaker or the listener, displays these non-verbal cues. The follow percentages show what makes up what we say (verbal) and what we see and hear (non-verbal):
Seven percent of the meaning of the communicated message is based on the words they used.
Thirty-eight percent of the meaning of the communicated message is made up of the tone of voice that is used.
Fifty-five percent is determined by the body language of the person.
That means that ninety-three percent of the meaning of one’s communicated message is based on how it is delivered. What this number tells us is that how something is said matters more than the words that are used. The impact that non-verbal communication can have on how one’s message is perceived is extremely important.
Though this happens unconsciously, you need to be aware of the non-verbal cues you send (whether speaking or listening) because non-verbal communication helps get your message across and provides clarity and depth to the conversation.
Non-verbal communication cues include proximity to the speaker, eye contact, facial expressions, tonality, gestures, and body positioning. A person, whether they are the speaker or the listener, displays these non-verbal cues. It is almost as if their body language is saying “You should hear what I’m not saying.”
Proximity to the speaker: how close you stand to the person with whom you are communicating. Our familiarity with the person we are communicating with determines our proximity, also known as “personal space bubble.” When speaking or listening, it is important that physical distance and personal space is respected.
The knowledge, maintaining, and respecting of someone else’s personal space are important concepts for good and sustained communication to occur:
Close familiarity with person: six inches to one foot.
Familiar with person: one to two feet.
Friend or co-worker: two to four feet.
Casual friend or an acquaintance: four to five feet.
Strangers: five or more feet.
Eye contact: determines whether you are paying attention and are actively engaged or whether your attention is directed elsewhere.
A fine line exists between maintaining an appropriate amount of eye contact and staring. In order to maintain an appropriate amount of eye contact, I have learned to apply the “three-second rule.” The “three-second rule” means that I would look at each of the speaker’s eyes for three seconds and then look at the speaker’s nose for three seconds. There is no particular order in which I applied the “three-second rule” for eye contact.
Facial expressions: often reflect your emotions. Facial expressions include smiling, blinking, and frowning. There are eighty facial muscles, allowing for over seven thousand facial expressions!
Touch: direct physical connection to others that is used to communicate your thoughts and feelings. Touch can be used in a supportive or encouraging manner. Some examples of using touch to show we care and support others include first-bumps, kisses, high fives, handshakes, pats on the back, hugs, and holding hands.
Voice inflection: how you use your voice to emphasize important words. Good communicators will use variation in their voice to get their point across more effectively and to better connect with their audience. Read the following example and see how putting emphasis (inflection) on each different word changes the entire meaning of the sentence: “I never said he broke our door.”
Gestures: the movements you make with your body when you interact with others. A gesture can be made with our face, hands, and some other parts of our body. There are hundreds of different gestures that can be used depending on the situation, what message one is trying to communicate, and the person.
Body positioning: indicates your personality and mood. Body positions can be “open” or “closed.”
Someone in an open position might be interacting in a more receptive position. They might be facing the person with whom they are communicating with their arms and legs relaxed and uncrossed. When an open position is used, the person may be implying that they are open to communication, interested, and have a readiness to learn.
In the closed position, a person might have their arms crossed and folded, legs crossed or positioned at a slight angled open position away from the other person. A closed position may imply the person is not interested or is uncomfortable.
Opportunity Section
After reviewing the seven non-verbal communication cues, observe others in your household interacting (or watch a program on television!) and work through the following questions with your child:
How close are they standing to each other?
Based on their proximity, what is their likely relationship to each other?
What facial expressions did you observe being used?
What gestures did you observe being used?
How is the other person responding to the gestures?