How to help your neurodivergent child improve their communication skills with every conversation.
Before the coronavirus pandemic, Jacqui Saunders’ three children were receiving a combined 106 hours of therapy every week.
Her sons, 7-year-old Ashton and 3-year-old Ronin, are both on the autism spectrum, and her 5-year-old daughter receives therapy for behavioral issues. Now, Ashton receives only 30 minutes of virtual instruction four days per week, while Ronin receives two, 45-minute sessions every week.
“They’re either slamming their heads against something or they’re trying to head butt each other or they’re about to break an arm or a tooth,” said Saunders, in an interview with ABC 7.
Melissa Swailes, whose two children are also on the autism spectrum, are having more tantrums without their in-person therapy.
“The regressions that we’re seeing now, these are going to take a while to go back the way that we were,” said Swailes. “The regression and the behavior that our children, well, my children, are going through are things I haven’t seen in years.”
We do not know when things will go back to “normal,” but that does not mean that you — or your child — have to be left in the dark. For the next few weeks, I will be outlining practical ways you can help foster your child’s communication and social skills development in this age of physical distancing through my simple “Six I’s” model.
Effective communicators must:
Be interesting. Extend the conversation by asking open-ended questions.
Be impactful. Ensure your message resonates with those who listen.
Be interchangeable. Be both the speaker and receiver (listener).
Be improving. Better your skills with every conversation.
Be interpretive. Understand your and other’s body language.
Be improving. Better your skills with every conversation.
Practice, perform, and practice again because practice makes perfect and continued practice makes permanent.
This was something that I remember hearing the head football coach say to the team during practice. He would say to the players that unless they were during numerous repetitions of their blocking skills, ball-handling skills, or their pass coverage assignments, then what we as coaches were teaching them would never be forgotten.
In order to notice an improvement in your communication skills, start the practice-perform-reflect process. Repeatedly practice a particular communication skill, either in front of a mirror, with your dog, or even while walking around the block. Practice-practice-practice.
After practicing, apply the skill. Reflect on how successful or less than success your attempt had been. Answering the questions in the “Opportunity Section” below will help you determine whether you need to practice more or are ready to perform the skill on a regular basis.
If the attempt was less than successful, determine how many more times you will practice before testing the skill again. Having confidence to perform the communication skill successfully will help you know that you will gain more practice and success with each future attempt.
In order to improve your communication skills, it is imperative that you continue to practice until they become permanent. These “tricks” should be so embedded in your “communication skills toolbox” that they are second-nature when you are involved in a conversation.
The fact is that we all started, or at least considered starting, the process of improving our communication skills somewhere, and, possibly for some, numerous times in the past. What is important to remember is that communication skills need to be improved a little at a time.
Thoughts like, “I could never change these habits!” or “Others said I would never be able to, and they know me better than I know myself,” will only hold you back. Anything that has happened in the past is not an indicator of what you are capable of now!
Remember: your past failures are just that, past failures, and in no way indicators of your future success.
Opportunity Section
After reviewing the practice-perform-reflect model and discussing the importance of a positive mindset change, work through the following prompts with your child:
Write down past failures, and explain why you feel they are holding you back.
List five ways you will encourage yourself.
Then, practice one of the communication skills discussed in an earlier lesson. After practicing, discuss:
How have you grown from this communication experience?
List examples to show why more practice is needed or that you are ready to perform this skill on a regular basis.
What area(s) within the communication process do you need to practice?
List the skill(s) you are going to practice.
What strategy will you use to make these skill(s) permanent?