3 at-home activities to help neurodivergent students improve their communication skills
For many parents and educators of autistic children, life since March has been stressful, to say the least.
Lilian Burns shares a heart-wrenching perspective of what the past few months have been like for her and her preschool-aged son, Tripp, who is on the autism spectrum.
"I still feel like I’m vastly under-qualified to be a parent; I am definitely vastly under-qualified to be replacing three therapists and a paraprofessional," Burns writes. "It’s heartbreaking to watch your kid struggle. That goes for any parent. For those of us with children with special needs, watching their struggle with 'distance learning' is a daily battle. And with the fate of schools reopening still unclear, the thought of doing this for another two, or four, or six months, makes my stomach drop."
These fears and frustrations are more than valid, particularly as there are still so many unknowns about when children can return to full-time school, activities, or therapy centers.
I received such positive feedback from last week’s article and have been asked to share more at-home or "distance-learning friendly" activities to help neurodivergent students improve their communication and social skills.
1. Watch a television program to learn about body language.
The outcome of one's communication can be greatly influenced by non-verbal communication. A person, whether they are the speaker or the listener, displays these non-verbal cues.
7% of the meaning of the communicated message is based on the words they used, 38% of the meaning of the communicated message is made up of the tone of voice that is used, and 55% is determined by the body language of the person.
That means that ninety-three percent of the meaning of one's communicated message is based on how it is delivered. What this number tells us is that how something is said matters more than the words that are used.
Though this happens unconsciously, you need to be aware of the non-verbal cues you send (whether speaking or listening) because non-verbal communication helps get your message across and provides clarity and depth to the conversation:
Proximity to the speaker: how close you stand to the person with whom you are communicating. Our familiarity with the person we are communicating with determines our proximity, also known as "personal space bubble." When speaking or listening, it is important that physical distance and personal space is respected.
Eye contact: determines whether you are paying attention and are actively engaged or whether your attention is directed elsewhere.
Facial expressions: often reflect your emotions. Facial expressions include smiling, blinking, and frowning. There are eighty facial muscles, allowing for over seven thousand facial expressions!
Touch: direct physical connection to others that is used to communicate your thoughts and feelings. Touch can be used in a supportive or encouraging manner. Some examples of using touch to show we care and support others include first-bumps, kisses, high fives, handshakes, pats on the back, hugs, and holding hands.
Voice inflection: how you use your voice to emphasize important words. Good communicators will use variation in their voice to get their point across more effectively and to better connect with their audience. Read the following example and see how putting emphasis (inflection) on each different word changes the entire meaning of the sentence: "I never said he broke our door."
Gestures: the movements you make with your body when you interact with others. A gesture can be made with our face, hands, and some other parts of our body. There are hundreds of different gestures that can be used depending on the situation, what message one is trying to communicate, and the person.
Body positioning: indicates your personality and mood. Body positions can be "open" or "closed." Someone in an open position might be interacting in a more receptive position. They might be facing the person with whom they are communicating with their arms and legs relaxed and uncrossed. In the closed position, a person might have their arms crossed and folded, legs crossed or positioned at a slight angled open position away from the other person. A closed position may imply the person is not interested or is uncomfortable.
After reviewing the seven non-verbal communication cues, have your students observe others in their household interacting (or watch a program on television!) and answer:
How close are they standing to each other?
Based on their proximity, what is their likely relationship to each other?
What facial expressions did you observe being used?
What gestures did you observe being used?
How is the other person responding to the gestures?
2. Work through the practice-perform-reflect model to ensure continuous growth.
Practice, perform, and practice again because practice makes perfect and continued practice makes permanent.
In order to notice an improvement in your students' communication skills, start the practice-perform-reflect process. Have them repeatedly practice a particular communication skill, either in front of a mirror, with their dog, or even while walking around the block. Practice-practice-practice.
After practicing, they need to apply the skill. Reflect on how successful or less than successful the attempt had been. Answering the questions below will help determine whether they need to practice more or are ready to perform the skill on a regular basis.
If the attempt was less than successful, determine how many more times they need to practice before testing the skill again. Having confidence to perform the communication skill successfully will help them know that they will gain more practice and success with each future attempt.
In order to improve communication skills, it is imperative that they continue to practice until they become permanent. These "tricks" should be so embedded in your "communication skills toolbox" that they are second-nature when you are involved in a conversation.
After reviewing the practice-perform-reflect model and discussing the importance of a positive mindset change, work through the following prompts with your student:
Write down past failures, and explain why you feel they are holding you back.
List five ways you will encourage yourself.
Then, practice one of the communication skills discussed in an earlier lesson. After practicing, discuss:
How have you grown from this communication experience?
List examples to show why more practice is needed or that you are ready to perform this skill on a regular basis.
What area(s) within the communication process do you need to practice?
List the skill(s) you are going to practice.
What strategy will you use to make these skill(s) permanent?
3. Schedule a Zoom call with your students to evaluate their skills.
Remember this saying from Dan Oswald: "Communication must be HOT. That's honest, open, and two-way."
In order for communication to be successful, each person must be involved. Communication is a two-way process, meaning that each person should talk for half of the time they are participating in a conversation. This means that the opportunity to speak should be roughly a fifty-fifty split.
At different times during the conversation, each participant will sometimes be the speaker and sometimes be the listener. There are some people, and we all know at least one, who like to speak more than they like to listen.
This does not mean that communication cannot occur if only one person is doing the talking, as long as the other person has been given an opportunity to speak and make their point. If you find yourself in a conversation where a person is monopolizing the conversation, remember there is nothing passive about the listening process. It is your responsibility as the listener to be engaged at the same level of the communication process as the speaker.
It is important that, as the listener, you take a more active role in the conversation. Being an active listener means that you are fully involved in the conversation. Active listening is a sign of respect to the speaker.
By not becoming a participant in the conversation, what could happen is that the speaker will realize they are the only one actively participating and the communications between you both may become reduced or even non-existent.
After talking about the importance of being inclusive and incorporating others in a conversation, schedule a Zoom call with your student. During the conversation, have your student practice the skills they learned in these lessons. After the call is over, discuss with your discuss:
Was the conversation evenly "split"? How much speaking vs. listening did each participant do?
What ideas do you have for becoming a more active listener?