Do you fear skills regression in your neurodivergent child or student? You are not alone.
“It has been exponentially difficult for families with children with special needs in particular children with autism, because the structure has changed, the schedules have changed,” said Yampa Valley Autism Program Executive Director Lisa Lorenz in an interview with the Steamboat Pilot & Today.
“People have a misconception that people with autism don’t socialize,” Lorenz continued. “They do socialize; they need social interaction. It’s very, very difficult when they don’t have the opportunity to socialize with their peers and to continue to learn and grow.”
As we all try to navigate these uncharted waters, skills regression is many parents’ greatest concern for their special needs children, even more so now as they go longer without access to their usual supports, therapies, and programs. In addition to academic concerns, parents — and their teachers — worry about the longterm effects on their children’s social skills development, particularly for neurodivergent children.
“I’m very fearful of long periods of breaks throughout the year,” said Amy Tsai, a parent of five, one of whom is on the autism spectrum. “He becomes isolated, he becomes more in his box, it will lessen his communication skills and socialization.”
We do not know when things will go back to “normal,” but that does not mean that you — or your child — have to be left in the dark. For the next few weeks, I will be outlining practical ways you can help foster your child’s communication and social skills development in this age of physical distancing through my simple “Six I’s” model.
Effective communicators must:
Be interesting. Extend the conversation by asking open-ended questions.
Be impactful. Ensure your message resonates with those who listen.
Be interchangeable. Be both the speaker and receiver (listener).
Be inclusive. Incorporate others in conversation.
Be improving. Better your skills with every conversation.
Be interpretive. Understand your and other’s body language.
Be impactful: ensure your message resonates with those who listen.
When I finally started communicating on a more regular basis with others, I found the circumstances most comfortable when the conversation was free-flowing. The best way I have found keeping the communication process moving was to remember that a conversation is much like writing a letter.
Each of the following components plays an important part in good communication:
Greeting/opening statement/question: When both communicating and writing, begin with a greeting, opening statement, or question. People may have other things on their mind, or they may not think you are addressing them, so the use of a good greeting, opening statement, or question will help “catch their attention” and allows for the possibility that they will be intrigued enough to want to talk with you or read further.
Staying on topic: Whether you are writing or speaking, you should have a body of information. When having a conversation, it is important to stay on the topic being discussed and limit your communication to one or two closely-related topics. This makes the information you are sharing or receiving easier to follow.
Ending/departing statement: When writing or speaking, having an ending or a departing statement is essential. Both written communication and conversations should have some type of ending or departing statement. Without some form of ending, both the person with whom you are speaking will wonder what do next.
Whether writing a letter or speaking to someone, the purpose of communication is to convey a message. Remember the “five C’s” in all communication: clear, complete, consistent, correct, and courteous.
Clear: During communication, it is important to keep “on topic,” and use the exact words to clearly state your message’s intent.
Complete: In oral communication, it is important that you express your idea completely to minimizing the chance of the receiver misunderstanding what it is you are trying to express.
Consistent: Assume the listener has a limited amount of time to completely understand your communication. There is no need to say in many words that can be said in fewer words.
Correct: Make sure your words are being used correctly and the person to whom you are speaking is addressed in the correct manner.
Courteous: Include all pertinent information in your communication, so that the receiver can more easily understand what you are saying and does not have to read what is on your mind.
Before beginning the journey to improve my communication skills, the manner I preferred to use to communicate with others was to write them a letter. When I chose to express my needs and wants through letter writing, I found that using the five C’s was a helpful method. When people would receive a note explaining the issue/problem, they would generally continue the communication process. At that time, I did not know any other way of communicating effectively.
Although I do not recommend constantly using written communications, as a starting point, I often found it to be effective. Hopefully, as you and your child work through these exercises, they will improve their communication to a point when they can address an issue/situation through conversation.
Opportunity Section
After discussing how communication is similar to writing a letter and breaking down the five C’s, have your child:
Develop a list of opening and ending statements they can use in a conversation. Here are some to get you started: “hi,” “hello,” “good morning,” or “how are you?” For departing statements, you could use: “We should talk more about this soon.”, “It was nice talking with you. Have a nice day!”, or “It is time for me to get ready for the day. Goodbye!”
Write a letter (or email!) to a friend or family member. Before sending the letter, evaluate the letter with your child: did they use an opening statement, stay on topic, and close with a department statement? Is their communication clear, complete, consistent, correct, and courteous?